An autobiographical short film about bugchasing, the intentional self infection with HIV. In the work author and director Martin Willibald Meisl deals with his memories and tries to explore his motivations. - When did the tendency towards self-destructive behavior arise and which ones can be seen? For that, he works with reenactments of artworks such as photos by Joel-Peter Witkin or Michaelangelo’s Pietá. A look at the later consequences of the decision is given. Discrimination, side effects of the therapy, and feelings towards the fresh infection. There is a clear change in his sexuality, and new positions taken.